The Roshi Rides a Harley

Very cool. Every afternoon Genpo Roshi roars in on his Harley motorcycle to teach. Then he walks into the zendo in black t-shirt, black sweater, jeans ripped at the knees and black motorcycle boots. How cool – and sexy -- is that. I just realized that he, and Diane Hamilton, are the only ones who wear shoes in the zendo. (I guess enlightenment has its privileges.)

Yesterday afternoon began with a bang. Even after 2 days of listening to the Voice of the Boaster, the group wasn’t finished as there were at least 20 or so people yet to speak. And I was steeling myself to face yet another afternoon of listening to 10-20 minute long soliloquies by the Boaster. Mercifully, Roshi cut the Boaster short and moved on by asking us to speak as another voice.

The voice he asked for sent freaking out waves through the group. He asked to speak to the Sexual Pervert. I laughed out loud. As a long time leader of erotic retreats, this is one of my favorite subjects, the topic of many a meal conversation. It used to be my karma that no matter who I was with, within 10 minutes we’d be talking about sex, sexual histories, sexual preferences, sexual scary places. So I was really interested to see how this would all evolve. I was also curious to see what points of further resistance I might have to speaking in this voice.

First Roshi explained that he wasn’t asking us to speak about our sexual perversions per se, it’s just that through using this name repeatedly he’s found that the word “perversion” carries a very big energetic and emotional charge. And that this charge acts as a suppressor of the life force energy behind it. At Shalom we frequently speak about how our culture has a deep and painful split between sexuality and spirituality. Roshi added to this subject by saying that when we came into incarnation, integral to the process of incarnation was the creation of this split. Part of the little game of forgetting that we play with ourselves in our search to rejoin with our true nature, oneness, unity, or whatever similar term you care to use. This is a very Zen-like reflection, which is always turning us from a subject-object relationship to a subject without an object relationship. Far from theoretical, it is the repeated experience of union.

Before people could speak with the voice of the Sexual Pervert, the Voice of Fear made a big showing. In fact, Fear almost became the voice of the afternoon, that’s how much it needed to speak on the subject. What I heard was that if the Sexual Pervert were allowed to speak, then its small-s self, the personality, might act out without any limitations. That made the whole prospect very dangerous. Others, myself included, were afraid of being judged for their sexual acts or even for expressing that they liked sex – that was me. The Voice of Fear made for a very high and intense energetic in the room.

When Fear had said enough, the Voice of the Sexual Pervert began to speak. Very hesitant at first, still wary, there were several painful experiences that were revealed and held in honor. Eventually, when the experiences were expressed and opened up, the voice gained in strength until there was much laughter and kundalini experiences happening throughout the room. All the trapped energy was being released and people were enjoying themselves, the movement of the sexual energy through their bodies, and the relief of being able to speak aloud and be witnessed.

Sound familiar? Very Shalom-like.

Then in one very dramatic moment, I witnessed Roshi in his most masculine aspect as he worked with a man to release him from the bind of a parental figure. Shouting at him in one powerful burst, “NOW!”, the man freed himself from the parental figure with an incredibly powerful samurai-like act. It was like witnessing a seated mat trip.

I am quickly coming to admire Roshi. At Shalom I live with two of the most incredible and loving active listeners that I know – Joy & Lawrence. In Roshi I have met someone equally skilled and compassionate. When I watch him and feel into him, he feels as open as the air all around us – no resistance at all. He receives and affirms through his very being. Yet, when needed, he has that powerful and decisive masculine presence that cuts like a knife. Throughout, I sense an incredible depth of compassion in him. It is not personal, though; he’s not our friend. He is a beacon and teacher for those of us who wish to awaken. Quite literally, he wants our liberation.

I’ll end here by quoting a chant that we do at the end of evening zazen.

Sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them.
Desires are inexhaustible, I vow to put an end to them.
The Dharmas are boundless, I vow to master them.
The Buddha Way is unsurpassable, I vow to attain it.